The room is tiny, but we all fit in. A couple of the girls are perched on the bed as I blow on my rune bag and scatter the round white rune stones on the red carpet for my final reading. It goes well. I can’t help that butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling as I think ‘I did it’. Visiting a friend at university before I start myself in September; I’d never done readings for a group before and certainly never for people I didn’t know. I stretch out my hands to gather up the runes as the door opens and another girl comes in. I feel the air grow chilly, bodies imperceptibly tensing as she looks around at our cosy gathering. “What are you doing?” One of the girls tells her. “Ooooh, I want one!” She scooches in and sits down opposite me.
I do not want to do a reading for this girl. Only they’re looking at me hopefully and I realise that, if I do the reading, they are let off the hook. She’ll feel included without them having to offer anything. I could ease the tension, be the balm for a situation I can feel without knowing the cause. So I put the runes in the bag and blow on them one final time and they speak to me clear as day. You’re holding on to something that needs to be released. Something that isn’t yours any more. Once you let go of it you will feel so much better. All delivered in a supportive, encouraging tone. The runes are singing and I am their voice. We get to the end of the reading and I see that the girl is staring at me blankly. Then slowly, deliberately, she scoops up the smooth stones off the floor… and she throws them at me. My precious rune stones. I hear the crack as some of them hit the wall. I’m so shocked I don’t even register the ones hitting me. Then she storms out.
“What did I do?” I back track over the reading in my mind…
“Uh, well, “says my friend. “You see. She’s stalking her ex-boyfriend. He lives in these halls too and it’s really uncomfortable for everyone. You just told her to stop.” Oh.
So here’s the thing. I took my fledgling, sensitive, vulnerable Seer out to play and she did a great job. She told me not to do the reading – but I didn’t listen. Because I had a stronger channel for my magic, one I had been using for years, one that people liked, wanted and weren’t threatened by – my Healer. The minute I clocked doing the reading would make everyone happy my Healer took over and squashed all my Seer’s deep knowing. Healers LOVE to give and they find the discomfort of others difficult to tolerate.
So here’s what I know. It wasn’t bringing my magic that was the problem, the problem was I didn’t bring all of it. You can’t be a Healer all the time, it’s exhausting. I’d been living in the Healer for years but I didn’t know her; I didn’t understand her gifts or her weaknesses. I certainly didn’t understand the harm I could do to myself by overly relying on her. Which is why I have developed my ‘Discover your magic’ quiz. So you can discover your strongest magical pathway – because that’s the first step in owning it. Your results will include information on the benefits and shadow side of your greatest magical gifts.